Happy Loneliness

After a hard day at work nothing is better than drinking whiskey and coke while watching your favorite program on television. Until it becomes a daily habit you can’t quit. I didn’t realize that I alienated most of my friends at the time and isolated myself socially. Your whole social scene definitely becomes a vicious cycle. You wonder why no one wants to be around you when you are not even receptive to company.

Back in the day I used to be a nervous wreck. The only thing that would calm me down is to enjoy alone time in front of the television. I dreaded people to a certain degree. Probably because my job at the time involved being around people constantly. Worst part is I have a bent towards introversion. Needless to say my alone time I held sacred. Unfortunately, when you are a family man you sometimes have to sacrifice alone time. That mere fact that I had to forego alone time would always upset me. In retrospect, I sometimes took that out on loved ones which is obviously not fair to them. Since my favorite activity was watching tv and being on my phone all night I would be extra grumpy in the morning. I was definitely losing my grip of control over my own life.

My personal and work life was meshing together which definitely didn’t help matters. I was working very long hours that almost cost me my whole family. The thought of possibly losing my family drove me insane. I decided to switch jobs and that helped the situation for a while. Unfortunately, the switch of jobs was only a patch to a bigger problem. I had a really bad drinking problem. I wasn’t an everyday drunk but when I did drink I would always get black out drunk. It all went to a head the very last time I got drunk. I tried to commit suicide. After sobering up I realized I was putting everything I loved in jeopardy.

That’s when I decided to stop drinking. I went to therapy and I faced my feelings and decided to accept the fact that I’ve been suffering from depression and anxiety for a while. It is ok and there are solutions you can take that don’t involve ruining your livelihood and the people around you. It is also acceptable to show your vulnerabilities as long as you do it in a way that you’re not a burden to others. I’m very glad I stopped drinking. Even though what I went through was very horrible I wouldn’t change a thing because I learned very valuable lessons.

Donations are greatly appreciated.