Not trying enough

Going around in circles leading to a hellish oblivion. You make progress now just to go back 10 steps later. Nothing you do seems to be enough. Downward spiral until you crash into a brick wall. Even your car stalls. Your unwavering positivity is your only lifeline. Your hold on reality is definitely slipping. Laying on the railroad tracks hearing the approaching train not wanting to get up. Hearing the screeching halt knowing there is no end in sight. I want to see and embrace the light already! Having internal doubts of whether I’m ready. Maybe just hold the knife steady. Whether I’m here or there no one will care. Not even jumping into traffic will leave a mark only the honking will blare. My apathy has consumed me with energy. Lay down and stare at the ceiling. Everything in vain because you’re not trying enough.